Grandkid memories

It was so fun Saturday night. I had a "sleep over" with the 2 oldest grandaughters and their little sister. I remembered a recipe I had read a while back in one of my recipe books about "haystacks". I looked that up again and got all the ingredients. Officially, according to the internet, that is called a Mexican haystack. The girls had so much fun creating their own haystack to eat, and many requests were made to do that again soon. Then for our snack we made a smores snack recipe that I had found on Pinterest. Yummy! They were able to make the whole thing with little assistance and the results were wonderful. Game time was great too....we love solitary frenzi, and we get so addicted no one wants to quit. This time I didn't win one single time. They are growing up and are faster and many times smarter than I at these games.

We will definitely have to do all that again!!

It's so sad, I want to remember it!

My sister took my Mom on a day trip to see her newest Great Grandson Camden yesterday. Today, I tried to talk to Mom about it, and she has absolutely no memory of being there, of holding the baby, or of playing with Sydney. This is the saddest thing in my life thus far!

When I asked her questions, she had a blank stare, and I wanted to scream, "What have you done with my mother???" But instead, a still small voice whispers, "Love her, cherish her, and adore her, she is your mother". Oh how I miss her. I wanted to write about this because I don't want to forget about dementia so that I can help someone else someday that will have to go through this.

Mom, you were the greatest Mom a girl could ever have. We will take care of you till the day you leave us. Much love, Kim

Sewing and Preparation!!

Wish I had a picture of my Grandma Irene to put with this blog. (I will work on that!) Anyway, today I drug out my sewing machine. It's always out, but in a cold corner of the basement. When I have alot of sewing to do I like to bring it upstairs in the warmth and sit by a sunny window. This always makes me think about Grandma Irene. Thank you to my Grandma for teaching and encouraging me how to sew. You know she gave me a sewing machine for high school graduation and I thought then, "I will never use that", but I was sooooo wrong. I use it all the time, not just for me, but for others too. I remember one of the boys at Rankin, saying "Mrs. Allen, I have a zipper broke on my coat, can you fix that?", many curtains and valances for lots of homes, mending, and most recently sewing on cards that I make. It is sometimes frustrating, but always rewarding. My most recent project is for some kids I don't even know. Jenni and Justin are going to foster parenting classes and found out that in emergency situations when kids are taken out of a bad situation at home, their belongings are thrown into garbage bags. So their parenting class teacher is asking for homemade bags to help the situation! I am giving it a whirl. One done, several more to do.

On another note, today Ryan went to look and apply to live in a rental home. Oh, I know he needs to go, but I am already having issues with an empty nest. Not the empty nest so much, as the last child, out on his own, growing up in this world, with lots of lessons to learn. It's OK, I have a heavenly Father who loves him more than I do and I have asked Him to take over where I can't. I know that last statement to be oh so true, but I wrote it out to remind myself once again that I can trust in God's promises. He is faithful and ONCE AGAIN, I put Ryan in His hands.

On to more sewing, (and of course) praying while I sew.
Kim

My Mom

I will be taking my sweet Mother to the doctor again today. She has complaints of a constant back ache and stomach ache. She is so confused and I am sure her stomach ache is nerves.
She finally said the words today "I am so confused and I am depressed". I can honestly say I hate dementia. She cried and cried saying that "I will never get better. I don't want to be like this." But, I tried to comfort my mom with the words that God has blessed us beyond measure with so many things that we must learn to deal with this disease and move on.

I am desperately trying to remember who she was, and I hate that that memory is slipping away. She was always helping others, always willing to have someone in her home for a meal or a party. She loved the family of God and faithfully played the organ every Sunday for over 50 years. Boy, could she cook and she could sew and she could clean like no other. But, all that is gone, and it doesn't really matter to me, because I just want her well taken care and to see her smile from time to time is good enough now.

The older I get, I see how some things that were so important to me when I was 20 aren't important now at all. God has a way of changing our priorities, and so often it helps us keep our eyes focused on Him. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus,look full in his wonderful face, and the things of this earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace." Isn't it weird and wonderful that when we look in the eyes of Jesus, the things of this earth seem so unimportant. Keep looking at Him!!! Wow!

THIS IS THE STUFF!!!

This is the stuff that drives me crazy....this is the stuff YOU use!!

Stuff happens, but it seems like it starting piling up these last few weeks. Someone decided to use my credit card to charge $96 to I-tunes. I belong to a wonderful credit union that immediately credited my account, but still there's alot of stuff that has to occur now - stopping the card, waiting for a new one, being fearful to use the new one on-line, etc. I also lost some stuff at home, looked everywhere for it, found it on the floor of my car several days later. How did I miss that? My car is not that dirty. Our schedule has been so hectic and work has been overly busy, so they call every morning to see if I can work that day. I love my co workers, and if I could go to work on those days, it would make life easier for them, (if they would come to work on the days I work short handed, it would be easier for me), but we all have lives to live too, so we deal with the short handedness on some days. My very pregnant daughter got put on bedrest and I have not been available to help her..... Grrrr! Some announcements that I can't mention from other members of my family add to a bit of a mental strain. My dear mom is slowly slipping deeper into dementia and can't remember how to do laundry, how to cook, how to clean, how to have a conversation, etc. This STUFF is hard. BUt,

This is the stuff that our lives are made of. Without this stuff I wouldn't know that Jesus can handle this way better than I can. This stuff helps me to seek after God in a fresh new way, to call out to Him that I can't handle this. So as I worship in church on Sundays HE speaks to me in a loud, clear voice. As I listen to Christian radio, He speaks to me in a loud, clear voice, and as I read His Word, and be still before Him, He lets me know that in the past He has been able to handle every situation in ways I could never imagine. This life of ours changes everyday, but HE never changes. He waits with open arms for times such as these to comfort, encourage, and lift us up to better serve Him.

If I could write song lyrics, I hope I would have written a song just like "This is the Stuff", it says just what I feel on some days. So with a smile on my face I will carry on, I might need reminding now and again that God is good all the time, all the time God is good....but that's what fellowship is all about.
Loving life, Kim

That son of mine!!

I have written so much about my son, but he has done it again. As I am praying for him, my Lord and Saviour points the whole situation back to me. So, some day I will have to thank Ryan for all the wonderful devotions I have had because of him!!! :)

It started because I had a horrible dream about Ryan last night. So, as my feet hit the floor this morning I grabbed my Bible and my list of verses to pray over him. (Thanks to my SIL Debbie, for providing that list!!) I chose this morning Prov 20:7, the righteous man walks in his integrity, his children are blessed after him. (As you may have guessed, I am not seeing the blessings in Ryan's life at the moment :) So I began asking God to please, please bless Ryan's life by saving him and keeping him from evil ways, by getting him involved in his family, and on and on. That verse in Proverbs leads to Ex 20:5,6 which is the part of the 10 commandments that talks about not having any idols before the Lord - thus the righteous man!

Oh my, so as I am praying for Ryan and asking God to change his heart and his life, my prayers suddenly change to, Lord forgive me for the idols I have put before you, and one confession after another. The quiet voice of MY Lord thru His scripture assures me of His love, His grace, and His forgiveness. I can once again start this day with full confidence that God is working in ways I cannot imagine and keeping His Word for me!

A sign on a church near our home says: "God gives and forgives, we get and forget!!" Isn't that about the truth.

My sweet boy, isn't always that sweet, but when I look at him thru the eyes of the Lord, he is such a precious human being that I just want to kiss and hug on him----and I do, but that makes him mad!! ha. Ha. I do it anyway!! - Blessings, and BTW take care of yourself in the righteous department if you haven't already!!! - Kim

Spring?

The calendar says it's spring, but the weather has been CrAzY!!! Furnace on, furnace off, A/C on, A/C off. That on/off thing reminds me alot of many other things in my life as well!!!

Just 6 years ago I graduated from nursing school this month and I was a mess. Stressed to the max, an eye twitch that I thought would never go away, and about to start the hardest job I had ever had in my life. My, oh my, the God of miracles has never disappointed me. Life is good, so good. It was a huge step of faith for me to walk out of my comfort zone and into the world of the unknown. The memory of that graduation will forever be etched into my memory during the month of May.

Today I spent the better part of the day with my parents. Dad, a cancer survivor, still fighting, and now caregiver for his wife who is mentally ill with dementia, needed a break. It took both of us to get mom out of the house and into the Northwoods Mall. The lady who would drop everything to go shopping, now must be urged, prodded and lied to, to get her out of the house. Her clothes were all wrong for this chilly day, so back in the bedroom she went. Now her purse didn't match her shoes and she couldn't find the other purse so she said she would just sit in the car. We have finally learned to just go along with what she says, because in 5 minutes she has no idea what she just said. She is forever angry, at us, at the world, but really at this disease that is taking over her thoughts and actions. She doesn't know why she feels the way she does, and why she can't remember anything, or why in the world she doesn't love the things she used to love. I watched her hands today during lunch. Those hands mean so much to me. Those hands have faithfully played the organ at church for some 50 years now. Those hands used to cook the most delicious meals and bake some scrumptious desserts that she was proud of. Those hands would lovingly sew and craft fun things for her kids and grandkids. I looked in her eyes today and couldn't find her....couldn't find my mom who raised me. Her eyes were so tired today and such a blank stare. I know she is there, but she is confused and hurting and angry. It is a wicked disease.

She loves to be home, in her house where she feels secure and not threatened, with her husband that she trusts. So our outing was over and we took her home. Tomorrow she won't remember we went shopping today, she won't remember whose little girl clothes those are in the sack, whose birthday is coming up, and who to sign the card for. Thankfully, she will remember that she is loved and cared for. Oh Lord, don't take that away from her, it's all she has.

She is a jewel and I miss her.