Where did 2010 go? It sounds like a year that should be in my future and here it is has come and gone. There is always a reflection time at the end of the year for me, because, just like all of you, I want the next year to be the best yet. So what worked last year and what wasn't so good.
I guess I could type and type about all the year held but when it gets right down to it.....the most important things would be those that are eternal, that will last forever. So, how did I serve my Lord this year and how can I improve on that next year?
Serving the Lord comes in all sorts of ways. To Love God with my whole heart is the best gift I can give Him. I am so much better than I used to be, but there is so much more to give Him, my time, my alone time, my thought life, and being Jesus in all my words and actions. To be a christian, is to become more and more Christ like, a goal so worthy of my effort.
To Love my family is to show them God's love. I don't know if they get that or not, but that is really why I do what I do for them.....because I want them to see Jesus and to experience the blessings of serving Him.
To Love my co workers and the patients I have each day is to be Jesus to them, to be His hands and His feet. To offer words of encouragement and hope. That is why I do what I do at work, and I am pretty sure that most of them don't get that.
To study my Bible and be involved in an indepth study of the book of Esther has brought me closer to the Lord. It has helped me realize why God put the books of the Bible within our reach, it (the Bible) affects every area of my life. Not to mention the fellowship of being with Christian ladies and my church family!!!! They are the best and God gave them to me to uplift me and encourage me, and help me be accountable before them.
So as I look ahead to 2011 I resolve to know God more, to live my life as if this is the last year, to love more deeply, study harder, and practice the walking and talking and seeing the way Jesus does. To put my hand in God's and see where He leads! Happy new Year, Love, Kim
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Summer has come and gone.
I don't know where to begin. My last entry was way back in April and the summer just flew by with so many memories to think about.
May - I was nominated for the 2010 Nursing Excellence Clinical Practice Award, very humbling because that nomination came from my peers with whom I work. I also received the 5 year Daisy award this summer. These two awards are special specifically because it was an answer to prayer for me. I asked God to help me be the best nurse and employee, so that Jesus Christ would be well represented. Of course, I didn't share that request with anyone else. The awards were my confirmation that I am working toward that goal!! and want others to know that I do what I do because of the way that Jesus loves me.
June - was our 30th wedding anniversary. David and I took a great trip to Branson, Missouri and had so much fun, we didn't want to come home. The weather was perfect and we had a blast. We had been in that area 30 years earlier and couldn't help but think how our lives had been blessed in these past 30 years.
Also in June, my friend Connie had her pet scan that showed her lung cancer, she began chemo treatments that did not help her cancer and she is in heaven now (died on Sept 30) singing with the angels, free of pain and worry.
August - Ryan moved to Normal to begin classes at Heartland Community College. He moved into an apartment with a guy he didn't know. Ryan has been tested and gone through many trials. The first few weeks him and his girlfriend broke up and he lost his job. His well made plans were not working out. Shortly after that his car got towed right out of his apartment buildings parking lot, because someone had stolen his parking sticker. He called me and said, "Mom, I don't know why all these things are happening to me. I go to school, come home and study, and try to do everything right. Everything keeps going wrong." Of course, I couldn't resist that, and said , "Do you really want me to tell you the answer to that question?" He didn't answer me and I very quietly said, "God is trying to get your attention. He is in control, not you." Well, I didn't get much response, but I knew he knew exactly what I was talking about. He is a smart kid, and to let go of our own control is never an easy thing to do. Anyway, the story continues----he began applying for jobs everywhere in that college town, and he lost his phone at one of the stops. Now of course his livelihood is gone and and the only way of contact for all the jobs he just applied for was gone. His birthday was coming up, so his present was a new phone, and he came home to get it and spent some time with me, which was wonderful I might add!!! Anyway, he called shortly after and said these terrible words, "Mom I can't find my wallet anywhere." OK, I will admit, I lost it.....I had no quick fixes for this one and told him I would pray that somehow it would turn up. Long story short, some one found it on our street and delivered it to David at work five days later. I called Ryan and told him if he goes home and is apartment has burned to the ground, please don't call me, call your dad!!! Just recently he did call David and someone had thrown a pumpkin at his car and cracked the windshield. Lord, help us all. You know I prayed and said, Lord, he is yours and do what you have to do to draw him closer to you. I had no idea what was about to happen.......still praying!!! BTW, the Lord gave him two jobs and he got to pick which one, and the one he got was much better than we prayed for. Is God good or what!!! Hopefully, one day Ryan will look back on this and see how God was working because his parents (and alot of people who love him) were and are praying.
September - My heart's desire to start a Bible study came to life. AND I have been so blessed by Beth Moore and her video series Esther, and especially by the women who come faithfully every week and study with me.
October - David and I got to fly a quick weekend to New York for Hannah's wedding. What fun!
We love to travel together, so when he decided to go again, and take Nicole, Jenni, and their girls, I couldn't go and it hasn't been easy having him gone. I have had a week off to myself at home and it has been good for me. Reflection doesn't get a lot of things done that the eye can see, but it is soul searching and great for the soul. David is coming home today, can't wait. Let the fall activities begin.
Blessed - Kim
May - I was nominated for the 2010 Nursing Excellence Clinical Practice Award, very humbling because that nomination came from my peers with whom I work. I also received the 5 year Daisy award this summer. These two awards are special specifically because it was an answer to prayer for me. I asked God to help me be the best nurse and employee, so that Jesus Christ would be well represented. Of course, I didn't share that request with anyone else. The awards were my confirmation that I am working toward that goal!! and want others to know that I do what I do because of the way that Jesus loves me.
June - was our 30th wedding anniversary. David and I took a great trip to Branson, Missouri and had so much fun, we didn't want to come home. The weather was perfect and we had a blast. We had been in that area 30 years earlier and couldn't help but think how our lives had been blessed in these past 30 years.
Also in June, my friend Connie had her pet scan that showed her lung cancer, she began chemo treatments that did not help her cancer and she is in heaven now (died on Sept 30) singing with the angels, free of pain and worry.
August - Ryan moved to Normal to begin classes at Heartland Community College. He moved into an apartment with a guy he didn't know. Ryan has been tested and gone through many trials. The first few weeks him and his girlfriend broke up and he lost his job. His well made plans were not working out. Shortly after that his car got towed right out of his apartment buildings parking lot, because someone had stolen his parking sticker. He called me and said, "Mom, I don't know why all these things are happening to me. I go to school, come home and study, and try to do everything right. Everything keeps going wrong." Of course, I couldn't resist that, and said , "Do you really want me to tell you the answer to that question?" He didn't answer me and I very quietly said, "God is trying to get your attention. He is in control, not you." Well, I didn't get much response, but I knew he knew exactly what I was talking about. He is a smart kid, and to let go of our own control is never an easy thing to do. Anyway, the story continues----he began applying for jobs everywhere in that college town, and he lost his phone at one of the stops. Now of course his livelihood is gone and and the only way of contact for all the jobs he just applied for was gone. His birthday was coming up, so his present was a new phone, and he came home to get it and spent some time with me, which was wonderful I might add!!! Anyway, he called shortly after and said these terrible words, "Mom I can't find my wallet anywhere." OK, I will admit, I lost it.....I had no quick fixes for this one and told him I would pray that somehow it would turn up. Long story short, some one found it on our street and delivered it to David at work five days later. I called Ryan and told him if he goes home and is apartment has burned to the ground, please don't call me, call your dad!!! Just recently he did call David and someone had thrown a pumpkin at his car and cracked the windshield. Lord, help us all. You know I prayed and said, Lord, he is yours and do what you have to do to draw him closer to you. I had no idea what was about to happen.......still praying!!! BTW, the Lord gave him two jobs and he got to pick which one, and the one he got was much better than we prayed for. Is God good or what!!! Hopefully, one day Ryan will look back on this and see how God was working because his parents (and alot of people who love him) were and are praying.
September - My heart's desire to start a Bible study came to life. AND I have been so blessed by Beth Moore and her video series Esther, and especially by the women who come faithfully every week and study with me.
October - David and I got to fly a quick weekend to New York for Hannah's wedding. What fun!
We love to travel together, so when he decided to go again, and take Nicole, Jenni, and their girls, I couldn't go and it hasn't been easy having him gone. I have had a week off to myself at home and it has been good for me. Reflection doesn't get a lot of things done that the eye can see, but it is soul searching and great for the soul. David is coming home today, can't wait. Let the fall activities begin.
Blessed - Kim
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Another moment I don't want to forget!
It was the last night of God Chasers, our church's Wednesday night program for children, and I was already to sum it all up....all the lessons we had learned, the verses we had memorized, and give the plan of salvation again as easy as I knew how. Before class started one of the other teachers told me that she had given one of my boys a ride home the week before and he had prayed to accept Christ. She asked me to follow up on that and I was excited to do so.
I love the salvation story and I drew a big picture on the chalk board of two cliffs. Man was on one and God was on the other. There is a huge chasm in between and there is no way man can get to God. That chasm represents SIN and how sin separates man from God. But as I told the story I began to draw a cross that would connect the two cliffs. Of course, this cross represents the only way man has to get to God, through His son Jesus Christ and his death on the cross. I was able to bring many verses into this story and the kids were really listening. We prayed at the end and I invited anyone with questions to stay and talk with me. Just the boy I wanted to talk to lingered until everyone left. His head was hanging low and I said, "Would you like to talk about something?" Without hesitation, he said, "I understand what you are saying, but I have done some pretty horrible things and I don't think God would ever forgive me for those things." Keep in mind this little boy was in fourth grade. The mom in me wanted to say, "Just what kind of horrible things have you done?" But I refrained and very calmly turned to I John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I said, "Blake, did you commit murder, because that is sin." Of course, he said no and we talked about what sin is and that the verse in the Bible doesn't categorize sin, but if someone would murder someone else God would forgive them because He says so in His Word. His face lit up and he said, "Wow, I feel alot better now." I asked him about his prayer to the Lord and he told me exactly what God had done for him by sending His son to die in His place. He got it, he really got it. I gave him a Bible that night and he must have thanked me two to three times for that. I told him I hoped I would see him next year at God Chasers, but he replied that he didn't know where he would be living then, but surely hoped to be at VBS.
I have thought of him so often since then. He only came for about 4-5 weeks, I had never seen him before and may never see him again. "I have done some pretty horrible things", flashes through my mind now and again. I praise the Lord right then and there, that no matter how horrible my sin is, He forgives me and He gives me grace to be better the next day and to trust Him more.
The faith of a child is something pretty special and I think we make this life of ours way too hard.
Love ya, Kim
I love the salvation story and I drew a big picture on the chalk board of two cliffs. Man was on one and God was on the other. There is a huge chasm in between and there is no way man can get to God. That chasm represents SIN and how sin separates man from God. But as I told the story I began to draw a cross that would connect the two cliffs. Of course, this cross represents the only way man has to get to God, through His son Jesus Christ and his death on the cross. I was able to bring many verses into this story and the kids were really listening. We prayed at the end and I invited anyone with questions to stay and talk with me. Just the boy I wanted to talk to lingered until everyone left. His head was hanging low and I said, "Would you like to talk about something?" Without hesitation, he said, "I understand what you are saying, but I have done some pretty horrible things and I don't think God would ever forgive me for those things." Keep in mind this little boy was in fourth grade. The mom in me wanted to say, "Just what kind of horrible things have you done?" But I refrained and very calmly turned to I John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I said, "Blake, did you commit murder, because that is sin." Of course, he said no and we talked about what sin is and that the verse in the Bible doesn't categorize sin, but if someone would murder someone else God would forgive them because He says so in His Word. His face lit up and he said, "Wow, I feel alot better now." I asked him about his prayer to the Lord and he told me exactly what God had done for him by sending His son to die in His place. He got it, he really got it. I gave him a Bible that night and he must have thanked me two to three times for that. I told him I hoped I would see him next year at God Chasers, but he replied that he didn't know where he would be living then, but surely hoped to be at VBS.
I have thought of him so often since then. He only came for about 4-5 weeks, I had never seen him before and may never see him again. "I have done some pretty horrible things", flashes through my mind now and again. I praise the Lord right then and there, that no matter how horrible my sin is, He forgives me and He gives me grace to be better the next day and to trust Him more.
The faith of a child is something pretty special and I think we make this life of ours way too hard.
Love ya, Kim
Monday, February 8, 2010
It's Over
This past week I received THE LETTER, the letter I have been waiting for. You see my life was forever changed on July 27, 2009 when I was drawing blood on a patient and stuck myself with the needle right when I was pulling it out of his arm. Not just any patient, an HIV positive patient, who was actively in the dying process. I was rushed to our occupational health department and began taking his drugs, the drugs that were fighting the virus, within 2 hours. I was offered a nausea drug, because these drugs most often cause so much nausea the patient has to stop taking them.
It was a long two hours, I thought about my whole life and all my precious family. I thought about how I was going to have to tell them this news and how would I tell David, my husband. When I left the hospital, I had to drive to two separate pharmacies in order to get this medicine, I cried and cried. I knew everyone was looking at me as if they knew I might have HIV at this very moment. I felt dirty and infected. I began to feel so sorry for sick people, people who know they may never get better. As I left the first pharmacy and began the drive to the next I cried out to God and asked Him why this happened, how could He have let this happen. When I got to my destination I sat in the car and cried some more, trying to get myself together to face another pharmacist who "knows" what happened to me. How was I going to work when the nausea began? Last of all I prayed and asked God to take this from me, confessed that I couldn't do this on my own, that I didn't have enough strength to face this kind of a trial, begged Him to make it go away. All of a sudden I was very aware that I had the radio on and a song was playing and the singer was singing these words:
It was a long two hours, I thought about my whole life and all my precious family. I thought about how I was going to have to tell them this news and how would I tell David, my husband. When I left the hospital, I had to drive to two separate pharmacies in order to get this medicine, I cried and cried. I knew everyone was looking at me as if they knew I might have HIV at this very moment. I felt dirty and infected. I began to feel so sorry for sick people, people who know they may never get better. As I left the first pharmacy and began the drive to the next I cried out to God and asked Him why this happened, how could He have let this happen. When I got to my destination I sat in the car and cried some more, trying to get myself together to face another pharmacist who "knows" what happened to me. How was I going to work when the nausea began? Last of all I prayed and asked God to take this from me, confessed that I couldn't do this on my own, that I didn't have enough strength to face this kind of a trial, begged Him to make it go away. All of a sudden I was very aware that I had the radio on and a song was playing and the singer was singing these words:
"All of you is more than enough for all of me.
For every thirst and every need You satisfy me with Your love,
and all I have in You is more than enough.
You are my supply, my breath of life, still more awesome than I know.
You are my reward, worth living for, Still more awesome than I know."
I felt a blanket of peace cover me and I knew God was telling me that He would take care of it, that I can always depend on Him. AND, most importantly, I didn't need to ask Him to take it away, because if the outcome was the worst I would still have Him and that's where my joy comes from not from what the world can give me or offer me.
About that time Jenni called on my phone for a completely different reason and she knew I was upset. I had to tell her right then and she comforted me and let me know we would work this out and it would be OK.
I began the drive home, went on to tell David, Ryan, and Nicole, but this time with more peace about whatever did happen, I could handle it because God allowed it to happen, He knew all about it, and He was in control. Some of my favorite verses came to mind, Habakkuk 3:17-19, says that "Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines,........I will rejoice in the Lord.....The Sovereign Lord is my Strength." I always paraphrase those verses with whatever is going on in my life, such as "Though I got stuck by a dirty needle, and I might get really sick.....I will rejoice in the Lord, ....The Sovereign Lord is my Strength."
Old verses became fresh again, I never got nauseated one single day and was able to take every last pill. I have had three follow up blood draws, my last one being last week which was the 6 month landmark. There is no HIV virus in my body and not a high, not even a low chance that there ever will be. However, for the record, if one of those blood draws would have come back positive and I would have heard the words you have HIV, I was ready to honor God and praise His name through it all!!!
I wish I could build a stone monument in the front yard like the Old Testament people did to remind themselves of what God did for them. But for now, this blog will do. I hope I never forget July 27, 2009 and many months after that God worked a miracle in my life.
One more thing, since that time, I sometimes look around at church and wonder just what people might be going thru that I know nothing about. I kept this private and didn't tell others until now. So, be extra encouraging to those you rub shoulders with, be Christlike and spread His love, you never know when somebody needs a smile and a hug!!! Love this life, Kim
For every thirst and every need You satisfy me with Your love,
and all I have in You is more than enough.
You are my supply, my breath of life, still more awesome than I know.
You are my reward, worth living for, Still more awesome than I know."
I felt a blanket of peace cover me and I knew God was telling me that He would take care of it, that I can always depend on Him. AND, most importantly, I didn't need to ask Him to take it away, because if the outcome was the worst I would still have Him and that's where my joy comes from not from what the world can give me or offer me.
About that time Jenni called on my phone for a completely different reason and she knew I was upset. I had to tell her right then and she comforted me and let me know we would work this out and it would be OK.
I began the drive home, went on to tell David, Ryan, and Nicole, but this time with more peace about whatever did happen, I could handle it because God allowed it to happen, He knew all about it, and He was in control. Some of my favorite verses came to mind, Habakkuk 3:17-19, says that "Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines,........I will rejoice in the Lord.....The Sovereign Lord is my Strength." I always paraphrase those verses with whatever is going on in my life, such as "Though I got stuck by a dirty needle, and I might get really sick.....I will rejoice in the Lord, ....The Sovereign Lord is my Strength."
Old verses became fresh again, I never got nauseated one single day and was able to take every last pill. I have had three follow up blood draws, my last one being last week which was the 6 month landmark. There is no HIV virus in my body and not a high, not even a low chance that there ever will be. However, for the record, if one of those blood draws would have come back positive and I would have heard the words you have HIV, I was ready to honor God and praise His name through it all!!!
I wish I could build a stone monument in the front yard like the Old Testament people did to remind themselves of what God did for them. But for now, this blog will do. I hope I never forget July 27, 2009 and many months after that God worked a miracle in my life.
One more thing, since that time, I sometimes look around at church and wonder just what people might be going thru that I know nothing about. I kept this private and didn't tell others until now. So, be extra encouraging to those you rub shoulders with, be Christlike and spread His love, you never know when somebody needs a smile and a hug!!! Love this life, Kim
Friday, February 5, 2010
Kind of Jealous
I have to admit I am kind of jealous of those people who can keep a blog going day after day. Their blogs are fancy looking and mine looks dull. (I have tried several times to fluff it up, add pic's,e tc, but that is way beyond me it seems.) Anyway, I love to blog for a couple of reasons: 1. When dementia hits (and I think it is coming), I will be able to go back and read what I can't remember. 2. Writing it all out makes me feel somewhat satisfied and complete.
I haven't written since my birthday in october and I can't even begin to write down all that has transpired in these last few months. So, those months will go unremembered for now.
I am currently hungry for a good Bible study. I feel deadened to the scripture and that is no one's fault but my own. God is God, He hasn't changed and He continues to work in my life in so many ways, that some I don't even know about. I feel overwhelmed with life most of the time and yet life is so good and fulfilling that I want to be on top of it so that I can enjoy every single minute. I have thoughts and dreams that I want to accomplish and can't quite get it done. I am restless with work--because I feel like I need to give a little more, learn to be better, participate more fully in extra things. I feel restless at home, because there is so much to do and I just look at it and think about it. I feel restless at church--lots to do there, so many ways I can become more involved. I think it's because winter is nearly over and spring will be coming. The time of the year for new projects, great weather, plans to make, trips to make. See, what I mean, way overwhelming.
Slow down.....that's my message to myself. I tell my patients all the time to take one day at a time. Don't think ahead, but conquer today. What was that song title ??? Seize the day? It was a good song, will have to look up those lyrics---just a minute I did:
Seize the day, seize whatever you can
'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
Seize the day, pray for grace from God's hand
Then nothing will stand in your way
Seize the day
I haven't written since my birthday in october and I can't even begin to write down all that has transpired in these last few months. So, those months will go unremembered for now.
I am currently hungry for a good Bible study. I feel deadened to the scripture and that is no one's fault but my own. God is God, He hasn't changed and He continues to work in my life in so many ways, that some I don't even know about. I feel overwhelmed with life most of the time and yet life is so good and fulfilling that I want to be on top of it so that I can enjoy every single minute. I have thoughts and dreams that I want to accomplish and can't quite get it done. I am restless with work--because I feel like I need to give a little more, learn to be better, participate more fully in extra things. I feel restless at home, because there is so much to do and I just look at it and think about it. I feel restless at church--lots to do there, so many ways I can become more involved. I think it's because winter is nearly over and spring will be coming. The time of the year for new projects, great weather, plans to make, trips to make. See, what I mean, way overwhelming.
Slow down.....that's my message to myself. I tell my patients all the time to take one day at a time. Don't think ahead, but conquer today. What was that song title ??? Seize the day? It was a good song, will have to look up those lyrics---just a minute I did:
Seize the day, seize whatever you can
'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
Seize the day, pray for grace from God's hand
Then nothing will stand in your way
Seize the day
Well I know a doctor, a fine young physician
Left his six-figure job for a mission position
He's healing the sick in an African clinic
He works in the dirt and writes home to the cynics
He says "We work through the night so most every day
As we watch the sun rise we can say by Carolyn Arends.
I want to blog more. I will try harder for my own sake, not for the sake of anyone who dares read this stuff.
Praying for dad today. The chemo is taking a huge toll on his body this time. That is bothering me. I don't know if I can watch this take place or not. I am trying to stay strong for him and for my sister, but deep down inside I crumble if I think of life without him. I am not depressed, but I have thought how easy it would be to fall into depression and it has given me a better insight into how people get depressed without even knowing it. God's grace, mercy, peace, and strength have sustained me thus far!!! where would I be without Him? I shudder to think of that answer.
Another day----Kim
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