Kind of Jealous

I have to admit I am kind of jealous of those people who can keep a blog going day after day. Their blogs are fancy looking and mine looks dull. (I have tried several times to fluff it up, add pic's,e tc, but that is way beyond me it seems.) Anyway, I love to blog for a couple of reasons: 1. When dementia hits (and I think it is coming), I will be able to go back and read what I can't remember. 2. Writing it all out makes me feel somewhat satisfied and complete.

I haven't written since my birthday in october and I can't even begin to write down all that has transpired in these last few months. So, those months will go unremembered for now.

I am currently hungry for a good Bible study. I feel deadened to the scripture and that is no one's fault but my own. God is God, He hasn't changed and He continues to work in my life in so many ways, that some I don't even know about. I feel overwhelmed with life most of the time and yet life is so good and fulfilling that I want to be on top of it so that I can enjoy every single minute. I have thoughts and dreams that I want to accomplish and can't quite get it done. I am restless with work--because I feel like I need to give a little more, learn to be better, participate more fully in extra things. I feel restless at home, because there is so much to do and I just look at it and think about it. I feel restless at church--lots to do there, so many ways I can become more involved. I think it's because winter is nearly over and spring will be coming. The time of the year for new projects, great weather, plans to make, trips to make. See, what I mean, way overwhelming.

Slow down.....that's my message to myself. I tell my patients all the time to take one day at a time. Don't think ahead, but conquer today. What was that song title ??? Seize the day? It was a good song, will have to look up those lyrics---just a minute I did:

Seize the day, seize whatever you can
'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
Seize the day, pray for grace from God's hand
Then nothing will stand in your way
Seize the day

Well I know a doctor, a fine young physician
Left his six-figure job for a mission position
He's healing the sick in an African clinic
He works in the dirt and writes home to the cynics
He says "We work through the night so most every day
As we watch the sun rise we can say by Carolyn Arends.

I want to blog more. I will try harder for my own sake, not for the sake of anyone who dares read this stuff.

Praying for dad today. The chemo is taking a huge toll on his body this time. That is bothering me. I don't know if I can watch this take place or not. I am trying to stay strong for him and for my sister, but deep down inside I crumble if I think of life without him. I am not depressed, but I have thought how easy it would be to fall into depression and it has given me a better insight into how people get depressed without even knowing it. God's grace, mercy, peace, and strength have sustained me thus far!!! where would I be without Him? I shudder to think of that answer.

Another day----Kim